I was all prepared to end the night with my experiment with white shells – lala, and, a good one, for that when what should be a celebratory night for my success in dishing out one of my favourites, lala to one nightmare that brought me to series of thoughts on physical suffering.
These clams are alive! Can't tell, can you?
Before we went further into the recollection of my worst ever nightmare, here’s the enjoyable bits with my discovery of white shells being actively alive (yes, pardon my ignorance as I thought they would be dead as those fishes sold in supermarket when I bought them sealed in a pack). In order to expel the salt water sands and debris, i was told, is to add some salt to assimilate their natural living condition. True enough, within minutes, the clams were sticking their tongues out, spitting the atomic sized sands in exchange of the fresh dose of salt-water. What a sight to behold – my first, to witness “live” clams in action. And I can conclude that they are a bunch of alcoholics with their longer than usual tongues sticking out for a bigger lick when i adulterated the man-made salt sea with chinese rice wine. The purpose, is to made them drunk and be infused with the wine when they get transferred to the hot sizzling wok.
That’s just the first step, sadly. Besides getting the main lead drunk, I have to get the co-leads ready. Without which, I would render the subtle killing of the white shells an injustice act. The co-leads being slicing the ginger to stripes and chopping the red hot chilli padi. And that, a hint, the start of my nightmare!
After dressing up the star and the co-leads, it was a feat in arriving to the grand finale. The show culminating to a fanfare displaying my first triumphant sauce-sucking good lala. Chewy and juicy at the right note too. See, my point on alcohol proven right. Drunk in relaxation till they were cooked.
Clams getting cooked.
Succulent lala infused with chinese wine, ginger and chilli padi
What’s come after is the worst nightmare I hope not to repeat. Me having a taste of being cooked under extreme heat! My hands were literally ablaze with fire after chopping the chilli padi. I am not exaggerating when I said ablaze. I felt like I am going through hell and that feeling of hell, I would rather die. The pain was beyond words and I was so desperate in removing the sting by trying all kinds of online suggested remedies from soaking my hand on all sorts of liquid from fresh milk to Baron’s (the only strong beer i have with 7% alcohol) to rum (cos i needed something with 40% alcohol content) to rubbing my hands with salt and immersed them in ice-frozen water. Oooouch!!!! I felt like punching someone to vent the heat trapped within and believed me, I actually hit the table with my other hand till it’s still hurting today. Can you imagine the level of pain? It’s worse than a cut which I can easily nursed with an antiseptic wipe and the pain would soon subside. This, i feel, like my hand being in constant contact with a kettle of boiling water. I still cringe now thinking of the ordeal.
It was a tough night – 6 hours of excruciating pain and countless time bursting into tears.
However, it was this feeling of being cooked that brought me to a clearer illustration and close brush with the bible description of hell-liked condition in the burning lake. I am so not in favour of me nor any of my loved ones ending there. It’s the worst experience ever, I can imagine, being constantly cooked in extreme heat, burning yet living.
That, also brought me to a deeper understanding of what it meant when someone once told me he would rather die than to continuing living while suffering in physical pains. I can now, though may not in totality, feel the desperation of pain. I can. finally. That, I thank God for. My friend, you will always be in my prayer and I know for sure God has not given up.
Coincidently, I had one of the most blessed testimonies in church on Sunday by two very anointed missionaries of whom one touched on how her once insanity had brought forth the love of God that Christians were praying for her and one stranger who even prayed that her life be given to this girl when she tried taking her own life resulting from the voices spurring her to call an end to all the sufferings. It’s was such unconditional love from God through this stranger that opened the heart of that missionary to eventually wanting to explore who this God really is. It’s the perseverance of this God whom we have, through his constant bringing of God-liked Christians to this girl that the girl was eventually freed from her illness and be like once again, the normal girl who her mum remembers. Praise the Lord!
While ending the sermon with worship to the Lord, not knowing why, I was so filled with tears and emotions for this boy in church who is suffering from the after-effects of brain tumour that I went out and asked for his and his parents permission to pray for God’s healing upon the boy. God must be with me that my heart mirrors that of his, crying for the boy who or parents are also yearning for a healing touch.
Would you pray with me while perhaps taking some time to re-evaluate your take on life?
P/S Only when I was lying on bed from the night’s ordeal resulting a day of medical leave that I have the time to pace down, to give a second look to the mind-triggering clouds that can whiz you in and out of an imaginary world.
Mr Confidence
Miss Scattered
Ms double-minded
and..Mr Aunty killer..hahah!
Decided to capture the fascinating clouds with my camera and perhaps next, a painting of the clouds to mark as a personal reminder to pace my steps to better appreciate the simple beauty of God’s creation.
Crystella's 
